


these roads will reach the sea

by Lujack



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Relationship Study, knife shoes appreciation society, oblivious idiots, retirement talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-03
Updated: 2019-05-03
Packaged: 2020-02-16 18:20:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18696799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lujack/pseuds/Lujack
Summary: Yuzu is determined to make his last month as Javi's training mate count.





	these roads will reach the sea

**Author's Note:**

> i first started working on this in january when we were in the dark as to how yuzu was doing, so this was my (quite optimistic) take, also javi is single here
> 
> thank you to my beautiful girlfriend for being such an amazing beta, i would be nothing without u pointing out words that don't exist. and thank you to everyone on discord because i love Love you

Javi is here. Javi is here.

It thrums through him as he sets off for training, a singing pulse. He can’t get to the club fast enough, almost skipping in the parking, his suitcase making a racket behind him. The rumbling of the wheels on gravel echoes the tumult in his mind.

Winter is his least favorite time of the year in Toronto, the cold and gray a lid over the city, but for a few mornings now life around him has taken on a sharper quality. The air he breathes is sweeter, the skies clearer, Cricket itself seems brand new. Even his unruly ankle has been on its best behavior, eager to measure up.

“Hey!” Javi greets him when they pass each other in the hallway, eyes warm. Yuzu grins back and Javi draws closer, cupping Yuzu’s neck, sliding all the way down to his shoulder. Yuzu makes to touch him, maybe squeeze his arm lightly— but his hand only twitches, hesitating. Javi releases him after a breath, and a moment later Yuzu is left staring at his back.

Javi’s touch has this strange way of lingering on him long after it’s gone. Even with Javi at the other end of the rink, Yuzu can still feel the path of his hand, pushing him along as he launches into a sal, landing it soft as butter. The quads— they’re fresh, they lost their manners, but Javi’s presence has them lining up like school children. Maybe Javi is magic, he thinks with amusement.

“Good one,” Javi tells him, skating by. Yuzu shrugs with a smirk, hands on his hips, but Javi is already looking back at Tracy. Hit and miss, miss, miss.

There was a long hug, the first day. Five months vanished into the air between them, easy as breathing against each other, Javi’s palm in his hair, Yuzu’s fists at his back. They stepped out of it with creased jackets, and a suddenly creased bond, uncertainty its biggest wrinkle.

Time hasn’t smoothed it. It slips out in the hallway, in the changing room. On the ice when Yuzu skates a perfect run through, bell ringing loud and clear, and he catches Javi’s dark gaze on him, another challenge, another next-time. But then a blink, they both come back down to earth. There’s no next time. They’re not rivals.

But it’s fine, Yuzu muses as he tries to sort out the fire Javi just ignited in his chest.

He has a plan.

 

—

 

It’s strange being back at the club. It all but feels like the past year didn’t happen and he’s returning to train for another cycle, aiming for another title, two more, five more. Javi closes his eyes and nearly pictures it, lives it — if it weren’t for the unfamiliar and cat-less flat he’s been staying in, the business calls he wakes up to, and an Olympic plaque that always spelled out ‘The End’ when he daydreamed about it.

There’s the additions, too. Evgenia and Jason are hard workers, deeply focused, but Brian calls for a break and they’re all over, chatting and joking, sewn seamless in the upholstery of the club. He almost feels out of place, his own stitching coming loose despite everyone here seeking his presence, hanging onto fading threads.

And then there’s Yuzu. Flashing across the rink, making quick turns Javi knows down to his bones, launching into a quad sal. Javi’s sal. 

Javi understands him well enough to read it as a tribute, not a challenge, yet part of him itches to take it up. It makes no sense, because he’s done, he’s _done_ , but it’s like a dull ache, watching him, so acutely aware their journey together ended and Yuzu is forging ahead alone.

At some point during the session, Yuzu halts, puts on his guards and settles on the bench. He loosens his laces and sips on his energy juice, blows his nose. Javi guesses he’s resting his ankle.

When he comes near the benches to drink, Yuzu’s head snaps up, eyes fastening onto his. Puzzled, Javi offers him a smile as he reaches for his water.

“You alright?”

Yuzu nods. He fidgets with his gloves then stops, only to tuck his hair behind his ears, once, twice. It’s gotten long, Javi had noticed, and it looks even softer than usual, glossy dark strands brushing his forehead. He gets the weird need to check for himself, but stamps it out. They’re on uneven footing already.

It’s a bit disappointing, still. He thought perhaps things could be different between them, training together while no longer rivals, but his retirement appears to have severed more than their competition.

“So…” Yuzu pipes out as Javi brings the bottle to his lips. “Do you want to hang out?”

Javi spits out his water. Yuzu jumps. Javi starts coughing, liquid dribbling down his chin and front onto the floor, and when he looks up he sees Yuzu trembling, trying to hold in his hilarity. Meeting his eye does it and Yuzu doubles over, laughter spilling around them as he slaps his thighs, a child. Javi’s lips quiver despite the shock and the mild annoyance. He wipes his mouth before chuckling.

“Oh, shut up!” He pulls at his soaked shirt and groans, the chill of the air seizing him. He glances at Yuzu. “But what? What do you…”

“Ah, yeah,” Yuzu sobers up instantly. However much amusement has smoothed out his features, tightness remains at the edges as he continues: “Hang out with me. After the training.”

Javi blinks, hand still at his chest. Yuzu levels him a determined glare despite the obvious tension in his body, _Kind of how he used to look when he trained new quads_ , Javi’s memory bank supplies. Hanging out outside the club. Javi tries to wrap his head around it, and it takes him longer than either of them expected because Yuzu’s lip starts twitching, betraying him. That small show of nervousness, nervous for _him_ , curiously makes Javi’s insides flutter.

“Sure,” he accepts, casual as can be. His mind is reeling, trying to put up defenses, scatter crumbs of suspicion around his thoughts, but a wave of simple, unadulterated happiness washes them away. He can never question things for too long in Yuzu’s presence.

He doesn’t care about anything else when Yuzu breaks into a huge smile, letting out a sigh through his nose. They share a quiet, wonderful moment, just gazing at each other, a lone bubble of warmth in the crowded ice rink.

“Okay, so,” Yuzu flaps a bit, looking away. “So I thought, we go to the dinner, um, the restaurant, then we take a walk, and we play games at my home, after. I choose a restaurant,” he rattles off the address with only a slight stutter, “it’s— traditional. There’s a park, close, it’s very pretty. I think. And I get a new game with war. I know you like that.” He takes in a breath.

Of course. Of course he’d plan every second. Javi presses his lips together, torn between overwhelming fondness and the awkward certitude he’s the first person Yuzu will have gone out with in a long while.

“War, huh? Watch out, I’m gonna win. Pew, pew!” he mimes at Yuzu’s pleased, soft face.

Yuzu stands up and extends a hand to Javi’s chest. “Pew, pew,” he echoes, shooting him.

Javi’s heart is still racing from the missed bullet when they get back onto the ice.

 

—

 

They agree to meet at the station in the evening. Yuzu thought the outfit would be the easiest part — anything warm and comfortable, really — but nothing he puts on seems right, his hair mussed by all of his frantic undressing. He glares at his half-naked reflection, surrounded by flung clothes.

“I’m twenty-four. I have two Olympic gold medals. I can do this,” he berates. The technique requires more work. He doesn’t break his own gaze as he falls backwards onto his bed.

New things are hard. He needs to conquer them. 

It’s what he mumbles to his mom as he paces the flat, rehearsing the night whilst she side-eyes him from the couch. It’s what he tells himself on the subway, fiddling with his iPod, watching the darkness flash by.

He’s free now to pursue whatever he wishes. To experiment, leave his comfort zone, to try to flesh out life even more. He wants to be a good friend and cherish his relationship with Javi, protect that important existence and the history between them.

He wants to deserve it.

_Before Javi leaves_ , he thinks, and the prospect fills his brain with static, so much he has to blink a few times to fight it off.

He’s there when Yuzu comes out of the station. He has a thick coat on and a hat, just like Yuzu, his hands buried deep in his pockets as he scans the crowd. Struck by inspiration, Yuzu hides behind a family passing by, giddiness taking over him. His steps are light and uneven on the frozen ground as he tries to approach Javi without him noticing. He’s almost here, arms raised to descend upon his prey, when Javi suddenly turns around.

They stare at each other. Yuzu lowers his arms behind his back, the picture of innocence.

“You… little shit!” Javi calls out, eyes sparkling in the winter city lights. The tone of his voice exudes such blatant affection Yuzu feels dipped in warmth from head to toe.

Until Javi lunges for his sides and he shrieks, bolting away from experience.

Tickling, however, can only go so far. He’s wearing enough padding to bounce off a car, after all.

They start walking, staying close. Yuzu keeps a focused eye on their itinerary with his phone held out, Javi bumping into him now and then. The bumping gains in force and Yuzu stumbles, looking up indignantly.

“What?”

Javi looks back with a playful pout. It slides off when Yuzu barges into him, making him lose balance.

They chase each other this way, laughing, zigzagging through the street to slam into the other. Passersby step aside like they’re madmen.

Javi closes in on him and latches onto his arm as they catch their breath, stray chuckles slipping out. It’s easy like this sometimes, going back to the start. Pretend they’re twenty-one and seventeen, at their careers’ dawn. Javi’s hand is solid on his arm, like it never left.

“I win,” Yuzu says.

“That’s not true!” Javi exclaims in outrage, singing accent thickened, causing Yuzu to cackle and mimic him.

“This way,” Yuzu says at last, smiling up at him. Javi links their arms. Yuzu lets him.

 

—

 

Javi wasn’t sure about this. He’s a sociable person and he trusts himself to turn any situation into a good time — but Yuzu feels unpredictable. When they’re apart, Javi replays their every interaction, distorted by distance, poking at their relationship. On his way to the station, he wracked his brain as to what the hell they’d talk about, bracing for awkwardness with a lump in his throat.

It’s -10°C in Toronto and all his doubts melt away. 

He can’t stop grinning now, pressed against Yuzu as they wobble ahead, trying to step on each other’s toes like children. They enter the restaurant disheveled and giggling. The waitress looks down at their entwined arms before asking for a name.

Yuzu coughs. The wave of it ripples throughout Javi’s body.

“Res– reservation for Hanyu, please.” Javi peers around, taken aback by the formality.

He spies three stories, the construction and arrangements a tasteful blend of wood and dark hues with stark, modern edges and black and white photographs of Canadian landmarks lining the walls. The place is crowded, the lighting dim, altogether much fancier than Javi assumed. It throws him for a loop. He kind of expected a fast food chain, which he knows Yuzu sometimes indulges in, or a poutine restaurant like his mates in Toronto jokingly take him to.

They are led to a secluded corner where they detach to peel off winter layers. Yuzu’s coat reveals a soft-looking baby blue sweater and Javi finds himself fixated on it, how vulnerable and different it makes Yuzu look. Yuzu catches his gaze and holds it, smoothing the sweater down, self-conscious.

The waitress clears her throat. They sit down in tandem.

“Your menus.” She hands them two cards, clad in smooth leather, not even the slightest bit chipped. It’s the kind of place he would have taken a girlfriend to, Javi thinks idly, opening the menu.

They get lost in its contemplation until the waitress comes back a minute later, much to their confusion. She sets down an extravagant two-wick candle between them. They stare. They keep staring as she lights it with care and gives them a smile and tells them “I’ll be back for your order”. They’re still staring when she leaves.

“Does she…” Yuzu starts. 

“Think we’re on a date? Huh. Yeah.” 

Yuzu covers his face with his hands.

“ _So embarrassing_ ,” he whines. It’s such an adorable sight it rattles Javi’s bones, urging him to reach out across the table. Brushing the strange feeling aside, he grins and leans forward on his elbows, menu forgotten.

“I’m so hurt, you’re embarrassed of me!” he laments, hand coming up to his breastbone in joke distress.

Yuzu looks back at him dumbfounded and put out, like he can’t believe they’re having this conversation and not one from his probably existing, carefully crafted list of ready topics.

“I would not doing this,” he gestures to their surroundings, “for a date.” 

“Why? It’s a nice place,” Javi says, eyeing the sleek, elegant dinnerware.

Yuzu shrugs, turning back to the menu. Javi stares at the top of his head, the slope of his downturned nose. 

“What do you do on dates then?” he ventures, for a reason that eludes him. Yuzu ignores him, faking being highly focused, the way he does when pretending he can’t hear English. Alright then. 

They skim the pages together, giggling at the convoluted names of some dishes. Yuzu surprises Javi when he chooses an obscure dish probably inadvisable to athletes, looking bold and a little excited. It makes Javi laugh and want to one-up him, and he ends up ordering the most ridiculous set of dishes, the waitress recording everything with a smirk, Yuzu snickering the whole time.

It’s only after their meals have arrived that Yuzu brings it up again.

“I would be perfect for date,” he says, light but careful, like a decision.

Javi pauses in stuffing his face and hums, encouraging. “You always need perfect, right?”

“If I’m doing, date,” Yuzu says, pushing food around in his plate, “that means it’s really important. So it has to be perfect.”

Javi watches him, taking in this moment. It’s the most personal thing Yuzu has ever told him, and he senses the fragility of it, the thin ice he’s threading. Emotions corkscrew tightly in his chest.

“Do you date?” he asks softly, following it up with a small bite to mask how out of line that felt leaving his mouth.

“No,” Yuzu says, matter of fact. He fixes his hair behind his ear, hand coming back down to fiddle with his bracelets. “No time, and no… person.”

The words sink in the little bubble of their table. Yuzu’s lips quirk into a mischievous smile.

“I’m not like Javi. Javi always has to have a girlfriend,” he teases, and it comes out quickly, as if he’s been thinking about it.

Javi pinks. “Hey!” he protests. “I… I just fall in love,” he chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck. “And kissing is good for health!”

He’s spilling utter nonsense yet Yuzu’s eyes are fond on him, pools of warmth Javi feels plunged in. Yuzu opens his mouth and closes it immediately, Javi sees a question swallowed down.

“What?” Javi inquires.

Yuzu shakes his head and they eat in silence for a bit, the chatter of the room rushing back to Javi’s ears with a pop. He relaxes into this, the comfort of hearty cooking, the enveloping atmosphere, Yuzu’s unlikely presence. The way his nose wrinkles at foods he doesn’t approve of, his system around emptying his plate, attentive, endearing. Little has changed in the years they’ve known each other. 

He’s missed him so much, Javi realizes.

“You know,” Yuzu says, mirth painting his voice. “I kiss.”

Javi’s eyebrows shoot up to his hairline, only surprised Yuzu’s declaring it at all.

“Oh, yeah? Anyone I know?” he plays along. 

“Yeah”, Yuzu says smugly.

Javi stops. “Wait, really?”

“Yeah.” He’s the picture of a self-satisfied cat, edging him on.

“Who?” Javi presses. “Tell me!” Yuzu just laughs. “Is it…” Javi flounders. Who the fuck is that close to Yuzu? “Nobu?”

Yuzu chortles. “No!”

“Shoma? Alex? Tanaka?”

Yuzu’s expression grows more amused and appalled with every name. Javi squints at him, calculating.

“Someone at Cricket? Jason?” A beat. He gasps loudly. “ _JAVI?_ ” 

“No. No everything,” Yuzu says, looking at Javi strangely now, probing under his skin.

“You’re never gonna tell, huh?” He’s not sure why he’s so — buzzing, hung up on on this.

“It’s Kanako,” Yuzu says, and Javi’s jaw clicks shut. “We kiss when we were young.”

“Oh,” Javi says, eyes wide. “Oh, Kanako, yeah.” 

It dawns on him he’s made an enormous mistake.

“Shit, I’m so— sorry, I only said names of men, I don’t know,” he babbles. He wants to hit his head on the table.

Where did that even come from? It’s not like he has concrete opinions on Yuzu’s preferences in— anything, ever. God, he’s mortified.

Yuzu watches him fumble for a moment, then takes a deep breath through his nose.

“It’s okay. You can.” 

It takes Javi a minute. His mind grasps at meanings, replaying the last few seconds. Yuzu keeps a perfect composure but it’s not subtle, how he’s tense all over, shoulders locked up. This open display of trust, the way Yuzu has been reaching out to him all evening, making an effort in exposing the soft vulnerable parts of himself – Javi feels the edges on his vision burn.

Bridges between them, being built one by one. He swallows, hard. It’s time to make one of his own.

“Well,” he starts, his voice thick. “Me, too.”

Javi grins, bright and genuine. Trustful in return.

It’s entertaining, trading positions. Yuzu gapes, blinking rapidly, cartoonish. His eyes flit all over Javi’s face, as if trying to uncover more of him, more unsaid from his traits. The bond between them swells in understanding, almost palpable, Javi swears he could pluck at its strings, skate to the song it’d shape. 

Finally, Yuzu smiles, a sweet and joyful thing, all plush lips. Javi never wondered where they had been — except maybe in a fleeting thought, sometimes, breathing close together in a hug, elation blurring everything else. He wonders now. Kanako, and others, who have placed kisses here, and Yuzu who returned them. He can’t imagine a context, zooming in on that patch of pink plump skin. It seems mind-blowing to Javi, suddenly, that there are people in this world who know what the inside of Yuzu’s mouth tastes like.

“You okay? Javi?”

Time resumes. Javi snatches his gaze from Yuzu’s lips, alarm bells ringing in his ears. Heat blossoms in his face and he’s scarlet. How long was he staring? _Why?_ Embarrassment and confusion cling to him in an uncomfortable embrace.

“You’re really red,” Yuzu holds a hand out and Javi backs away in his seat like it’s fire. “… Um?”

Javi squeezes his eyes shut, scrambling for a change of subject. “Anyway! You think if I ask you to marry me they’ll give us free dessert?” he rushes out, voice cracking a little at the end.

Yuzu’s ensuing look of utter horror and betrayal sends Javi into a laughing fit, unease dissolved.

 

—

 

Fortunately Javi doesn’t try to get on one knee and the rest of the dinner flies by, light, easy, their mutual confessions still hanging in the air. He steals food from Javi’s ludicrous plate while Javi pretends to mind, their feet bumping together every so often. Javi’s cheeks are flushed, he watches Yuzu with suns in his eyes, looking tipsy even though all they drank was mineral water.

Yuzu gets the check when it’s time to pay, pointedly ignoring Javi’s protests and “C’mon”s. He’s very aware of how it looks, aware of the waitress’ knowing gaze as he swipes his card, but he perseveres, blushing through his determination. The bill is on the expensive side, not what he’d usually spend on a meal, but it’s all according to the good friend plan. In the corner of his eye there’s Javi, squirming a bit. He’s probably not used to being the one taken ou—

Which is not what’s happening, Yuzu changes track frantically.

Frosty air welcomes them back. Night has settled down while they were dining and it’s even colder than before, their tucked away, warm corner immediately a distant image. Yuzu whips out his phone again for the next part of his itinerary, Javi hopping from one foot to another as he follows him. Javi sticks close, leading him away from puddles by taking his elbow in a delicate grip. Each time has Yuzu’s mind vacating, and he blinks at the blue dot on his screen until he shakes it — whatever _it_ is — off.

After a much longer stroll than expected, they finally get to the park.

It’s closed.

Yuzu stares at the locked gates and the renovation sign, uncomprehending, phone held out. The street is deathly silent.

Javi bursts into laughter. He shakes with it from head to toe while Yuzu stands there, vexed. The tiny bell sounds of Javi’s giggles ricochet around them, washing over Yuzu, soothing the embarrassment of his miscalculation somewhat. Javi always smiles a lot, but it’s been a long time since he’s heard him laugh out loud so freely.

Maybe this is what he’ll miss the most, he muses. The crinkles by Javi’s eyes, deeper every year, and that openness of him that he doesn’t show everyone, not anymore, Yuzu has noticed. How he actually sobers up a little when he realizes Yuzu hasn’t joined in, and how he touches his arm now, inquiring.

“Are you okay? We can come back when it’s over,” he tells him, earnest, like Yuzu didn’t make him walk in the cold for nothing.

Yuzu covers Javi’s gloved hand with his, briefly, drinking him in. He attempts a smile. 

“Let’s go.”

The way to the station is more subdued. Javi sends him concerned glances with every step, as if Yuzu really was distraught over a park. Their shoulders brush as they navigate through the alleys.

“So… Are you doing Continues this year?” Javi asks, tentative.

Yuzu hums. “I don’t think so. I have to... to see after Worlds,” he windmills a hand.

“Excited to go back to Japan?”

“Yeah,” Yuzu sighs happily, “but a bit nervous.”

Recovery and training are not topics he wants to stray to, not in Javi’s presence, so smooth and kind, opposite to the jagged and helpless hours of reconciling with his body. He picks something more joyful.

“It will be the time of the sakura flower,” he smiles.

“Oh, yeah!” Javi’s eyes light up. “End of march. I went a few times with Miki, for the picnic under the trees. Hana… hanami?” he chances.

“Yeah,” Yuzu says, but his thoughts carry him away once again.

Miki, Miki. Numerous images of Javi and her come to his mind, snippets of life he’s witnessed during shows and her visits to Cricket, all blending together a bit. He remembers hearing about them, watching them, being— pleased for them, but mostly puzzled. Choosing to date while competing at the highest level, moreover someone from another continent, with whom you barely share a language. How very Javi, he had thought at the time.

It makes the foolish question he swallowed earlier resurface. It gets stuck in his mouth even now, sitting on his tongue, the taste urging him to spit it out.

“Javi,” he says, serious. Javi’s sleeve grazes his. “What is love like? For you?”

“Uh,” Javi lets out, his head whipping around to look at him incredulously. “Love? You mean like, what’s it like being in love?” Yuzu nods. Javi blinks a few times. “Um,” he falters, baffled. “It’s like. I don’t know how to describe it. I guess, well. You feel so good with them, always. You feel warm, and, and safe. And you want them to be happy, and you want to be the one who does it, make them happy,” he babbles, waving his hands. “They’re always somewhere on your mind, you wonder, what they would think of this or that…”

There’s a glow about him as he settles more into the topic, pulling Yuzu in. He listens almost spellbound as Javi obviously raises personal emotions from the waters of his mind, of which Yuzu has only seen the surface.

“Their smile is the most important thing, too. You want to see it all the time. You want to touch them all the time,” Javi goes on, there’s a tremor in his hands now. His breaths come out white and fuzzy, shaping his words, making Yuzu zero in on his mouth. “You want to be close to them, you love to know what they’re thinking. You… hope they’re thinking of you. Their presence helps you, they make you better in so many ways. Um, yeah, that’s… That’s it.”

A beat. Yuzu distantly realizes they’ve stopped walking.

“Do I have something…” Javi starts to say, bringing his fingers to his lips directly in Yuzu’s field of vision. Yuzu startles. Javi looks down at his hand, then up at Yuzu. Their gazes lock. The air around them seems tight all of a sudden, it must be Yuzu’s lungs holding it all.

He spots a lifeboat.

“Look, station!” he about yelps. _Crap, crap_ , too loud, too telling, he needs to take back control _now_.

He grabs Javi’s arm and strides toward the entrance, Javi stumbling in his wake. Yuzu doesn’t dare looking back at him, his neck feeling hot and sweaty underneath his scarf, wool sticking to his skin, agonizing. He lets go of Javi when they swipe their passes, and they run down the stairs to the sound of the coming train, catching it just barely.

The front car is crowded. They find a corner to squeeze into, coats brushing as they face each other. Yuzu twists to grip an handle, and he waits a couple of stops before allowing himself to sneak glances at Javi swaying next to him. Despite the discomfort and the thick layers, there’s something special about being so close, able to discern the fresh stubble, the rings under his eyes, the tiniest freckle. Every little Javi thing, so important. His head swims.

An overzealous turn of the brakes makes Javi lurch and Yuzu’s free hand flies up to his waist to steady him just as Javi reaches out to clutch his upper arms. They stare at each other, taken aback and unmoving. Javi looks up at him through his eyelashes, bashful as he flattens his palms over Yuzu’s arms and keeps them there. Yuzu’s heart rate picks up, treacherous.

He wasn’t — he’s never — expected this development, or if he did he never thought he’d play an active part but — something is happening. It’s written all over Javi’s face, in the knowing depth of his gaze, in their mingling breaths. In the way his hand clings to Javi’s side like it has a life of its own.

He detaches gently, looking away pretending to check the metro map. Javi follows a beat later, the ghost of his touch remains. For the rest of the journey, it’s almost impossible to ignore how Yuzu’s body aches for the warmth of him back.

 

—

 

It’s weird going to Yuzu’s. The building is familiar, but plucked from another time. He feels like he’s aged ten years, seeing himself young and hopeful climbing up those stairs for a quick visit. He dropped by a couple of times, when Yuzu was just a teen, even once politely staying for dinner where little English was exchanged.

It seems crazy now, following Yuzu to his flat with a rabbit heart and clammy hands, a completely different person.

Or not that different, Javi thinks as they reach the door. Yuzu keeps glancing at him, intense and searching, but not giving anything else away. As much as Javi gets infatuated fast, one evening is not enough. It shakes him, the realization that all these emotions have been brewing all this time, simmering under the surface. That all it took was Yuzu opening up to him the slightest bit for the dam to burst.

They shuffle inside, hanging up coats, hats, scarves. A strand of Yuzu’s hair sticks up like an antenna, bobbing as he toes off his shoes. Yuzu wordlessly hands him slippers and they pad to the main room, tension between them a third walking body. Yuzu’s mom is sitting on the couch typing on her phone. She looks up when they enter.

“ 早く帰った ね.”

She sounds surprised. Standing up, she directs her attention to him. “Hello, Javi.”

“Hello Yumi!” he greets, trying to keep his overflowing mix of feelings in check.

The smile she returns him is gentle, so similar to the man beside him. With a slight bow, she tucks her hair behind her ears and brushes past them to the hallway they came from.

Yuzu whirls around and interjects in quick Japanese, a dumbfounded look on his face. Javi hears Yumi answer him lightly then the front door opening and closing. Yuzu stares after her, eyebrows shot up and soft mouth slack in disbelief.

“What happened?” Javi ventures.

“She leaves,” Yuzu says. “She say she’s gonna see Karine, the,” he fumbles for a word, frowning harder. “Lady who lives under.”

“The neighbor,” Javi guesses. 

Yuzu nods and fixes his fringe, not quite meeting Javi’s eyes. “I get the Switch.”

“Yeah, okay,” Javi says, burying his fists down his jeans’ pockets.

“Maybe we play in my—“ Yuzu stops himself, cheeks going pink. Javi gulps. “We play on the sofa.” He nods again, decisively, and disappears deeper into the flat.

Javi sits down on the couch, surveying around to distract himself. Not much seems to have changed since he last visited years ago, but there’s a more homely air to the place now, showing how well they had settled eventually. Pictures line up the walls, accompanied by Japanese trinkets he doesn’t know the meaning to. It’s a domestic cocoon, cozy, tended to over time. Idly, Javi wonders how much longer it’ll all last.

Yuzu comes back a minute later, Javi notices he’s rearranged his hair in that short while. It makes him itch to prob at his curls, groom a little. He can’t help but smile widely when Yuzu joins him on the couch, the closeness of him hushing Javi’s jumbled thoughts. Yuzu smiles back, shoulders dropping as he relaxes. He gives the console over.

“Play first,” he says, earnest, as if this is another deep expression of friendship. A little brother as well, Javi appreciates the gesture.

“Oh,” he says when he turns to the screen. “Fortnite! You play?”

“Mmmh.” Javi knows Yuzu enough to interpret that as a ‘no’.

“But this is your account?”

Yuzu looks back at him, all innocent eyes, a twitch at the corner of his mouth. A laugh bubbles out of Javi, fondness brimming over.

“You’re unbelievable.”

He starts up the game, going through the logging process from habit. Yuzu eventually unwinds enough to sag into the backrest with his elbow propped up, head in his hand as he watches Javi battle. He’s in no way too close to comfort yet it grows overwhelming, his piercing stare, the barely there caress of his breaths, his socked feet tucked together on the edge of the cushion. Javi heroically tries not to get distracted but his playing is sloppy, his character zigzagging through the field without purpose or coherence.

It’s easy for his thoughts from earlier to come back, and he’s never been good at biting his tongue.

“So, how long are you going to keep competing?” he blurts after a lull of subpar gaming and computerized sound effects. Yuzu tenses at his side. Javi doesn’t dare looking at him.

“I don’t know,” Yuzu answers in a controlled voice. He shifts away from him, clearly uncomfortable, and Javi aches with regret. “Retire… How does it feel?” he says. It’s pensive, lightly thrown at him; it lands like lead.

Javi crosses his legs. Uncrosses them. Another player finds and targets him.

“Good, it feels good,” Javi says as he runs away. “It’s, well, different. A bit scary. Because it’s all I’ve ever known, training, competing. All we’ve ever known.” He wets his lips, Yuzu humming in accord. The game blurs before Javi’s eyes. “But in the months away, I could see my family, and Spain, and my friends again. And skating, I mean, it became something else. I can make it grow, spread my love.” Forlorn electronic sounds interrupt him and he stares at the black screen, then up at Yuzu. “There’s more to us than medals.”

Yuzu’s gaze is grave and unflinching, but his fingers restless where they splay out in his lap. He draws a far away smile.

“Letting go… It’s scary.”

Javi swallows. Images flash through his mind; a Spanish flag, flown first and center, the weight of a medal, a standing crowd, elation as numbers flash. Galas, laughs, final bows. The club, Brian, Tracy, that hallway, and that bench, and that locker. This training mate.

“Will you miss me?” he aims for teasing, but it tumbles out softly, dropping between them. Soft is all he’s ever been around him, even at their rivalry’s peak. Even when Yuzu snatched titles in Barcelona, even at the Olympics, even at their most vulnerable, their most distant, their most angry.

Yuzu’s eyes are solemn on him.

“Of course,” he says. “Of course, I missed you.”

He grins, sweet and emotional.

Something in Javi gives.

 

—

 

It happens as if in slow motion. Wonder lights up Javi’s face, a flush makes its way down his neck. Yuzu watches closely as Javi’s eyelashes flutter, as he bites into his lower lip and reaches out in a familiar gesture. He wants to pull him forward, Yuzu knows, but then he hovers midway, like he’s remembering himself. Hesitation is not something Yuzu is used to from Javi, but it cloaks the air now, Javi’s eyes huge, unsure but inviting.

It strikes him. This is a moment, a crossroad. There have been many in his life, significant instances where the path ahead split into two. There’s a path right there, looking rocky, tortuous, brimming with thick fog. His heart races.

It’s scary. It’s crazy. They are friends, they were rivals, they played a thin line for years. Javi is leaving to the other side of the world, not even to  _Yuzu’s_ other side of the world. They could never make it work, what with their own stubbornness, their own fame and expectations to fulfill, his own inexperience with relationships - it already sends his stomach in knots.

Unthinkable, he thinks as his hands rise to cradle Javi’s jaw. Impossible, as he draws close. Just like Javier Fernandez. Just like Yuzuru Hanyu.

He kisses him, once, slow.

Javi instantly moves against him, arms locking around his frame in a glorious vise. They kiss close-lipped, feverish, tingling warmth rushes in Yuzu’s veins down to his fingertips, as if he’s drinking Javi’s essence from him, feasting on. He’s trembling all over from adrenaline, the pure recklessness of his actions, and Javi is no better, his breaths coming in so quick against Yuzu’s skin. He travels up Yuzu’s back to his nape in a tight, almost desperate hold, but tender in the way he smooths the hair there, as if reveling in the sensation.

Yuzu gets a sudden inkling and reaches up to Javi’s neck as well, less gentle. Javi immediately opens his mouth under his. A thrill bolts through Yuzu at that discovery, he feels like he stripped the universe naked and plucked its greatest secret out of the air.

They taste each other, messy and exploring, until Javi clears the gap to suck on Yuzu’s lower lip. Yuzu digs hard into his hair, keeping him as close as possible.

Their tongues meet and _oh_ , he’s _never_ going to let this go.

He chases Javi’s mouth, pushing him backwards into the corner of the sofa, climbing on him sideways. Javi’s hands roam his body, the broad plains of his back, his gestures sure and expert, but distinctly shaking.

They kiss slow and deep, learning. Yuzu shifts between yielding, letting Javi’s warmth consume him, and taking over, pressing Javi back, claiming him whole. It’s overwhelming, having him this close, this intimate, this hot, yet his body thrum from the rightness of it all, blood roaring, _yes yes yes_.

Under the cologne, Javi smells like lemon.

Yuzu breaks away to catch his breath, his senses overflowing with Javi’s taste, his scent, his caressing hands. His dark, half-lidded eyes.

“Yuzuru,” Javi says, like a sweet he’s savoring. Yuzu leans back down, the pull of him too strong.

“This was so totally a date,” Javi murmurs before their lips touch.

It takes him a second, then Yuzu groans loudly, burying his face into Javi’s shoulder. Javi’s hiccuping laughter jolts them both and Yuzu can’t help but join him, exhilarated giggles mingling. He tugs on Javi’s hair as he withdraws, playfully harsh. Javi’s grip on him tightens.

“This was for friends,” Yuzu defends.

“Am I your friend?” Javi says, his gaze on him unwavering.

Yuzu’s brow furrows as he looks back, sobered. His free hand clutches Javi’s jumper. 

“Always.”

A vow.

Javi’s features soften in a radiant smile, and out of nowhere Yuzu’s throat constricts, his vision mists over. So much lies between them, years, memories, difficult and happy times. They have experienced everything together, felt every emotion. Important, important, important, his pulse sings as their mouths brush again.

They stay like that for a long time, just holding on tight and kissing unhurried, bathing in each other.

“What now?” Javi whispers. “I’m leaving soon.” Conflict shadows his face.

“I know,” Yuzu says. He runs his hand through Javi’s growing curls, a soothing motion.

There’s a fire building inside of him, familiar in its intensity.

“I want this,” he tells Javi, determination steeling his voice. “I won’t give up. I can’t.”

His chest throbs at exposing himself this way, same as all evening. He’s used to keeping things under wraps, now he’s unraveling, embracing this unsettled feeling.

It’s rewarding when Javi’s eyes spark, meeting him halfway with a fire of their own, as it’s always been. He adores him, Yuzu realizes, heart fluttering.

“I won’t give up either,” Javi says. He cups Yuzu’s face and kisses him, one two three in rapid, heated succession.

Yuzu fists the back of his hair, answering in kind. He slips his tongue inside, kissing wide and bold, passionate. Javi shudders under him.

It’s stunning, doing that with Javi, giving in to his own feelings. He’s drunk on Javi’s every reaction, his mouth, the wandering hands up his bare back.

What they need is a plan.

“You go to Spain, I prepare for Worlds, it’s good,” Yuzu rasps as Javi nips along his jaw.

“I’ll have Stars on Ice Japan just after, I could — come see you,” Javi sighs when Yuzu dives to his neck in retaliation.

“Then maybe summer shows,” Yuzu continues against his skin. “Maybe I go to Spain, visit you,” he breathes in Javi’s ear. Javi’s grasp gets even more secure.

“I can come visit and help at the club between shows,” he says, and Yuzu grows in fervor at the thought.

It’s so easy, choosing this, making room for more. Walking the rocky uncharted path.

The view ahead is dazzling.

 

—

 

His alarm blares.

Javi blinks into his pillow, bleary. It’s too early, he puzzles, why did he…

Recollection hits him like a truck. He jumps out of bed, trips over his barely unpacked suitcase on his way to the bathroom. Euphoric thoughts knock together under the stream of water, he almost gets shampoo in his mouth from grinning so hard.

Choosing a training outfit is excruciating. He stares down two identical shirts, picturing Yuzu’s sentiment on each one. It feels a bit pathetic trying to please Yuzu down to a T, the way he’s caught himself doing in the past — but he’s not pathetic, he thinks gleefully. Yuzu likes him too.

They spent a long time on that couch yesterday, just cuddling and talking, about Yuzu’s preparation for Worlds, Javi’s new ice shows, their possibilities together. Yuzu looking back at him, intent and happy, completely in this with him as he stroked Javi’s hair. Javi flits a hand through it now, flushing.

They had all but forgotten about the rest of the world until Yuzu’s mom came home and found them frantically trying to disentangle. She didn’t bother hiding her amusement as he squeezed her son’s hand and bid them good night, hotly embarrassed, a teenager again.

Yuzu’s hands, he finds himself sighing about on the bus, his reflection smiling back at him dopily.

Everything seems brand new when he gets to the club, brighter, warmer. He leaps to the rink. Brian chokes on his coffee upon seeing him.

“You’re _early_?” he jokes, incredulous.

Javi shrugs, quickly walking past. The ice winks white at him as he looks for a familiar dark silhouette, a lump in his throat. Yuzu’s here, zinging from one end of the rink to the other with stunning speed and utter focus. Javi watches him skate like he never has before, his heart growing three sizes.

Yuzu spots him after a while and comes to a forceful parallel stop, sending snow everywhere. He glides to the edge where Javi stands, looming over him a bit from the added height.

“Hello,” Yuzu says, his voice so sweet, Javi wants to taste it.

“Hi,” he says instead. Giddiness seizes the whole of him as they gaze at each other, beaming like loons.

Yuzu reaches out to smooth his side, and Javi feels the heat of him through his glove, spreading. He brings his hands to Yuzu’s waist, unable to help himself.

“Having a nice session?” he asks.

“The best session,” Yuzu says, his eyes like crescent moons. He pokes at Javi’s ribs, playful. Javi trembles, mouth twisting. He drums his fingers over Yuzu’s abdomen meaningfully until he’s squirming and they’re both chuckling, high on the other’s presence.

Javi is aware of their coaches staring but can’t find it in him to pay any mind, basking in Yuzu’s attention.

“Sorry for distracting you,” he says, not feeling very sorry.

“You’re so bad,” Yuzu teases, too softly. He slinks back, ruffles Javi’s hair, lingering the slightest bit. “Come on, show me your sal.”

“Coming.” Yuzu glances past him then and bursts out laughing. Javi whips his head around to meet Ghislain’s glare, strangely evocative of a protective mamma bear. Javi waves cheekily, Yuzu wheezes. Brian has a frozen, uncomprehending smile, looking between them.

Morning sunshine floods the rink. Yuzu urges Javi on while he’s lacing his skates, chanting his name. A few skaters join him, Tracy claps to the beat. Yuzu is luminous. 

This is how it starts, like it always does between them. Bouts of laughter and budding anticipation, facing a daunting future, together — always.

 

**Author's Note:**

> (sorry for dragging you into this kanako...)
> 
> please feel free to comment so i don't feel too alone in this universe we call home


End file.
